Haiku's to suicide have been on my mind of late
I'm not making lite of the heavy
Burdened; myself by the urgency of death's constant call.
Haiku's to death has consistently been on my lips
Tears, tear my soul apart.
I feel; I feel only pain
Haiku's to the beyond sear my spirit
Seeping out onto my skin
I feel; I feel only pain.
Monday, 26 December 2016
Friday, 17 April 2015
Death knocked. Jesus delivered.
Though I thought to myself that I had accepted the idea of death and the reality that we must all face it, I had a rude awakening back in January. I got a glimpse into my possible future having witnessed my mother suffering a minor heart attack and several other medical complications. I had never felt that level of despair and desperation nor have I ever been more alone. I imagined at a time when all seemed bleak the people I'd be sure to have at my side would be my siblings. I am still waiting.
All this to say, God is merciful, loving, forgiving and patient and that is not dependent upon who we are because He changeth not. By his Grace and mercy both my mother and I have survived her ordeal and we continue to press.
People may never know your struggle, they may never understand your pain BUT God NEVER puts us through without seeing us through. All glory and honour to Him.
As alone as it seemed without the physical presence of other I was comforted by the Holy Spirit.
Gratitude to the persons that after finding out what had happened became rocks of support to me, I am deeply touched.
All this to say, God is merciful, loving, forgiving and patient and that is not dependent upon who we are because He changeth not. By his Grace and mercy both my mother and I have survived her ordeal and we continue to press.
People may never know your struggle, they may never understand your pain BUT God NEVER puts us through without seeing us through. All glory and honour to Him.
As alone as it seemed without the physical presence of other I was comforted by the Holy Spirit.
Gratitude to the persons that after finding out what had happened became rocks of support to me, I am deeply touched.
Monday, 1 April 2013
My doggy, the Artist!
My fricking dog is amazing!
So yesterday while painting a room for my new tenant(my niece is moving in), my dog calmly walked into the room and looked around as he does when inspecting. He left shortly after but returned in a bounding fashion, dipped his head into the paint tray and rubbed it against the wall.
My little painter!
 |
| Alex Trooper Grant-Joseph |
The political Man.
When the direct question was posed the political response was given, to me, your child. Empty are your words, empty is your soul. Ploughed through my heart taking the best of my love, turning it to dust. From dust we came and to dust we shall return, so death is the gift received in exchange for the gift of love.
Yet I hoped, longed. That you would see the error and attempt to correct it, if only to appease a wounded and broken soul. You sort only to eagerly acquiesce to the request that things be over, put to rest, shut away.
Did you sigh a breath of relief and smile to yourself, mentally saying "Finally?" I think you did, I think you were glad that it was finally over, that the ploy to discourage my emotional attachment had finally succeeded. no thought as to the mental pain and emotional mess you left me in.
I will be stronger now, stronger than I was before.
Aware now, more than ever before that all that glitters isn't necessarily gold. It might just be a greasy-ass diarrhoea, much like the words flowing freely from you lips.
Note well, Mr. You came in, you saw, you ruined.
I do not hate you, I do love you but today I say, no-more. No more lies and excuses, no more broken promises and no more pain.
Thank you for your presence and IF you ever wish to 'fix-it' you know where how to reach me.
Kind regards and a cool, calm and collected fare thee well.
I will be stronger now, stronger than I was before.
Aware now, more than ever before that all that glitters isn't necessarily gold. It might just be a greasy-ass diarrhoea, much like the words flowing freely from you lips.
Note well, Mr. You came in, you saw, you ruined.
I do not hate you, I do love you but today I say, no-more. No more lies and excuses, no more broken promises and no more pain.
Thank you for your presence and IF you ever wish to 'fix-it' you know where how to reach me.
Kind regards and a cool, calm and collected fare thee well.
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Embrace Life
Ahhh! The refreshing feel of the cool morning air upon my face and the chill it sends down my spine with each breath.
I love my life,
The feel of the gentle kiss upon my cheek by the rising sun gives me that warm and cuddly feeling.
I love my life!
His tongue in the palm of my hand, his nails lightly scraping the bare skin of my thigh.
I...Love my life.
The first yawn, the stretch. The cold floor beneath my soles of my naked feet as I, sleep in my eyes, I swing my legs off the bed.
I...Love my life!
Slowly opening both eyes while standing before the mirror.
I am beautiful this time of the day, natural, uninhibited by the worries of the world, basking in the glory of His love.
I love my life!
Everyday I awake, some days positive and enthusiastic. Other days fighting to find the reason for the new day but always appreciating the life that is a gift I receive daily.
Choosing to approach the new dawn with my best effort, striding forward, up and beyond the challenges that may be so daunting at times.
I love my life.
Be ever grateful and happy for each day you are given this precious gift of life, the breath of He who breathes. The energy of the universe, the possibility for greatness. To share a smile, a hug with your family and friends.
Love your life!
I love my life,
The feel of the gentle kiss upon my cheek by the rising sun gives me that warm and cuddly feeling.
I love my life!
His tongue in the palm of my hand, his nails lightly scraping the bare skin of my thigh.
I...Love my life.
The first yawn, the stretch. The cold floor beneath my soles of my naked feet as I, sleep in my eyes, I swing my legs off the bed.
I...Love my life!
Slowly opening both eyes while standing before the mirror.
I am beautiful this time of the day, natural, uninhibited by the worries of the world, basking in the glory of His love.
I love my life!
Everyday I awake, some days positive and enthusiastic. Other days fighting to find the reason for the new day but always appreciating the life that is a gift I receive daily.
Choosing to approach the new dawn with my best effort, striding forward, up and beyond the challenges that may be so daunting at times.
I love my life.
Be ever grateful and happy for each day you are given this precious gift of life, the breath of He who breathes. The energy of the universe, the possibility for greatness. To share a smile, a hug with your family and friends.
Love your life!
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Vacation 2012
As I opened the door he searched for you and though I knew you weren't here I hoped in my heart to see you as well.
Be of good courage, time will pass and plans will be fulfilled and there will be no more looking and hoping but knowing that we are moments away from each others embrace.
This has been the best moments of my life, my heart is content and my soul fulfilled.
Vacation 2012!
Monday, 23 January 2012
Where the end is
How are you today?
Fine!
Fine as in really fine or I'm just saying fine?
I fine!
Very well, I am the enemy.
Now I know my place,
Now I ask no more.
So I am fine,
As fine as can be.
Respect & Peace!
Fine!
Fine as in really fine or I'm just saying fine?
I fine!
Very well, I am the enemy.
Now I know my place,
Now I ask no more.
So I am fine,
As fine as can be.
Respect & Peace!
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Beyond Beauty-REG
Oh the heat that emits from her body and warms my soul!
The winds that sing in my ear ever so sweetly.
I yearn each day to be closer,
Closer to her.
Her molten core,burning with passion
Her heart beating like the drum of the ancestors,
Oh mama! Oh mother! Oh Yemoja!
She is the ultimate beauty,
The most Gracious Mother.
She is Mama Africa!
I yearn each day to be closer,
Closer to her.
Her molten core,burning with passion
Her heart beating like the drum of the ancestors,
Oh mama! Oh mother! Oh Yemoja!
She is the ultimate beauty,
The most Gracious Mother.
She is Mama Africa!
Saturday, 24 December 2011
If this heart could heal
As Enya serenades me with her beautiful voice and Celtic instruments
My mind processes thought in French and my heart beats as the wings of a butterfly
"Que ce soit, peut nous être à jamais. Mon amour" is all I can think, it's all I can dream.
Mon âme aspire à l'amour, comme un papillon qui peut être flotté hors de ma portée.Toujours comme des fous Je veux espérer et d'attendre que l'amour pour sauver ma vie ou me prendre à mon décès.
Je suis en attente pour secouer mes paroles et tendre, elle donne ce qu'elle peut, mais seulement pendant un certain temps (c'est compréhensible).
S'il vous plaît m'aimer, s'il vous plaît m'aime toujours.
Mon cœur soupire après toi, mais dis-moi ce ne sera pas.
Quoiqu'il en soit, nous pouvons être à jamais. Mon amour!
Les larmes coulent librement et la lame est aiguisée. S'il vous plaît me sauver mon amour!
My mind processes thought in French and my heart beats as the wings of a butterfly
"Que ce soit, peut nous être à jamais. Mon amour" is all I can think, it's all I can dream.
Mon âme aspire à l'amour, comme un papillon qui peut être flotté hors de ma portée.Toujours comme des fous Je veux espérer et d'attendre que l'amour pour sauver ma vie ou me prendre à mon décès.
Je suis en attente pour secouer mes paroles et tendre, elle donne ce qu'elle peut, mais seulement pendant un certain temps (c'est compréhensible).
S'il vous plaît m'aimer, s'il vous plaît m'aime toujours.
Mon cœur soupire après toi, mais dis-moi ce ne sera pas.
Quoiqu'il en soit, nous pouvons être à jamais. Mon amour!
Les larmes coulent librement et la lame est aiguisée. S'il vous plaît me sauver mon amour!
Friday, 23 December 2011
Resolutions and all
This is the first day of the New Year...
Last night was hard, so hard.
I did not have my brothers with me,
I did not have my love with me,
I did not even have my friend with me.
The greetings were cold and impersonal,
Sent via BBM Broadcast message.
It did not matter much because the ones that mattered were not with me.
I reminisced on the end of 2010.
The crazy things my brothers and I did,
Firecrackers in the mail box hahaha, all the laughter.
I have resolved that 2012 will be a year of positive energy,
A year of success, a year of forming new bonds.
Of letting go of the pains of the past and accepting the pleasures of the present.
I will be cautious of what I do, where I go and the company I keep.
I will surround myself with uplifting and positive people.
There will be sorrows, I will allow myself to 'feel'
I will continue to heal and I will LIVE!!
Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night was hard, so hard.
I did not have my brothers with me,
I did not have my love with me,
I did not even have my friend with me.
The greetings were cold and impersonal,
Sent via BBM Broadcast message.
It did not matter much because the ones that mattered were not with me.
I reminisced on the end of 2010.
The crazy things my brothers and I did,
Firecrackers in the mail box hahaha, all the laughter.
I have resolved that 2012 will be a year of positive energy,
A year of success, a year of forming new bonds.
Of letting go of the pains of the past and accepting the pleasures of the present.
I will be cautious of what I do, where I go and the company I keep.
I will surround myself with uplifting and positive people.
There will be sorrows, I will allow myself to 'feel'
I will continue to heal and I will LIVE!!
Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gone
Unmoved or removed?
Time is wasting, air depleting.
The space growing, times changing and me?
Well I am not moving,
Stagnant, distant, unmoved or removed?
I pray to at least have a memory of all that was,
All that is and all that will be.
Am I unmoved or removed?
Dreaming or awake?
Seeking or being sought?
Lost or found?
Alive or dead?
Together or apart?
No, let us call it erased.
The final straw which broke the camel's back.
The use of an innocent to play guilty tricks on an innocent mind,
Keep moving, keep going, I can see the end
Clearly you're waiting on a friendship to end.
Now why would you be who you are and still want to be who you aren't?
Holding one as a safety net whilst rushing toward danger, hoping against all hope that she takes you solely.
The mention of my name makes you blush and the mention of yours makes me flinch,
There is no you, no me, no us together
Just you and me, we do not belong to each other.
Awake from dreams that make you believe that things are real, when really they are just illusions of a crazed woman. Danger lurks but its not me, I changed my name to Destiny, and here my 'friend' you will never be!
The End.
Dreaming or awake?
Seeking or being sought?
Lost or found?
Alive or dead?
Together or apart?
No, let us call it erased.
The final straw which broke the camel's back.
The use of an innocent to play guilty tricks on an innocent mind,
Keep moving, keep going, I can see the end
Clearly you're waiting on a friendship to end.
Now why would you be who you are and still want to be who you aren't?
Holding one as a safety net whilst rushing toward danger, hoping against all hope that she takes you solely.
The mention of my name makes you blush and the mention of yours makes me flinch,
There is no you, no me, no us together
Just you and me, we do not belong to each other.
Awake from dreams that make you believe that things are real, when really they are just illusions of a crazed woman. Danger lurks but its not me, I changed my name to Destiny, and here my 'friend' you will never be!
The End.
Monday, 19 December 2011
Say what's real
So today I was in deep thought about nothing, wondering to myself what makes it all worth it.
I cannot go back to the dark place that I was in for the last few months.
Am I selfish or is it self preservation?
To bare one's soul to,
To open one's heart,
Mind, Body, Spirit.
I can't trust...
Lots of I's in this
O interruptions in my thought patterns,
I'm ready to go.
Not gonna risk it nomore.
I have little to offer and want nothing in return.
Lots of I's in this
O interruptions in my thought patterns,
I'm ready to go.
Not gonna risk it nomore.
I have little to offer and want nothing in return.
Saturday, 10 December 2011
Ode to FAREWELL
This is my Ode, my Ode to Farewell.
Said goodbye so many times that it means nothing anymore.
Goodbye to friends, to loves, to lives of those both near and far but worst to family.
Fare thee well bittersweet goodbyes for I will not say them anymore.
Not to friends, to love, to life nor to family.
I will stop, I will not exist in a particular space, I will not rend myself to anytime, to anyone, to anything but I will not say goodbye.
I will move on or stay still but I will not say goodbye. Times will change, people too but yet I will not say goodbye.
No more farewell, no more goodbye only standing still, letting time change and people with it.
Letting it go but not with the utterance of fare thee well.
To be continued...
Said goodbye so many times that it means nothing anymore.
Goodbye to friends, to loves, to lives of those both near and far but worst to family.
Fare thee well bittersweet goodbyes for I will not say them anymore.
Not to friends, to love, to life nor to family.
I will stop, I will not exist in a particular space, I will not rend myself to anytime, to anyone, to anything but I will not say goodbye.
I will move on or stay still but I will not say goodbye. Times will change, people too but yet I will not say goodbye.
No more farewell, no more goodbye only standing still, letting time change and people with it.
Letting it go but not with the utterance of fare thee well.
To be continued...
Too personal or too true
So I made a statement, which did have multiple truths to it though it may have been a bit broad.
Nonetheless, it's my view, idiotic, moronic, low, disrespectful, still my opinion.
As far back as I can recall, though it doesn't look like it much these days, Trinidad and Tobago is still democratic.
Persons are allowed freedom of speech, the right to think for themselves. If I say something that you disagree with, then you are in fact using your right to have your own view, your opinion. This then allows for discourse, your say, my say kinda thing.
To choose to take an opinion and make it personal, to take offense to a statement and bury that offense to the depths of one's soul, well, lets just say that's another kettle of fish. Maybe just maybe you took it too personally or maybe it's just too true!
I owe no apologies for what was said for one main reason and that reason is I have a right to my opinion!
If you choose to end a friendship over it, that it your choice but always remember it was your choice.
The end and apparently goodbye!
Nonetheless, it's my view, idiotic, moronic, low, disrespectful, still my opinion.
As far back as I can recall, though it doesn't look like it much these days, Trinidad and Tobago is still democratic.
Persons are allowed freedom of speech, the right to think for themselves. If I say something that you disagree with, then you are in fact using your right to have your own view, your opinion. This then allows for discourse, your say, my say kinda thing.
To choose to take an opinion and make it personal, to take offense to a statement and bury that offense to the depths of one's soul, well, lets just say that's another kettle of fish. Maybe just maybe you took it too personally or maybe it's just too true!
I owe no apologies for what was said for one main reason and that reason is I have a right to my opinion!
If you choose to end a friendship over it, that it your choice but always remember it was your choice.
The end and apparently goodbye!
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Can I
Can I talk to you on a real
Like I don't know you
Like you're not you and I'm not me
Or maybe we are who we are
But with no history?
Can I talk to you on real?
You not feel as if you know
and me not feel as I know we would.
Can we say goodbye to pains
That stain our mental veins,
And choke our emotional parts?
Can I start at "Hello, I'm Latoya"
And you can start at "Nice to know ya?"
Can I be your friend so true,
that at times when you are O, so blue,
you know who you can turn to?
Can this be a moment in time,
when all fades to the black of night,
and you are you
and I am me?
Where the past remains but only as a memory.
A reminder that life is so fragile,
and so are we.
Can I call out to you in the street,
As we meet and greet?
Will you look at me one day in time and remember that I am good enough,
Will you look at me one day in time and see what you have looked so hard to see?
So read this now,
Now read it again.
Burn this note and all pains will end!!
Like I don't know you
Like you're not you and I'm not me
Or maybe we are who we are
But with no history?
Can I talk to you on real?
You not feel as if you know
and me not feel as I know we would.
Can we say goodbye to pains
That stain our mental veins,
And choke our emotional parts?
Can I start at "Hello, I'm Latoya"
And you can start at "Nice to know ya?"
Can I be your friend so true,
that at times when you are O, so blue,
you know who you can turn to?
Can this be a moment in time,
when all fades to the black of night,
and you are you
and I am me?
Where the past remains but only as a memory.
A reminder that life is so fragile,
and so are we.
Can I call out to you in the street,
As we meet and greet?
Will you look at me one day in time and remember that I am good enough,
Will you look at me one day in time and see what you have looked so hard to see?
So read this now,
Now read it again.
Burn this note and all pains will end!!
A consciousness drive
A consciousness drive!
A Rasta man rants and an Indian man chants.
True feelings locked in one's self and a board away from the broader way,
Rasta man rants, I feel it, I feel it in my soul.
Deep and depths, life and death,
Thinking, thinking, what to do?
Where did it end or better yet, where did it begin
Rasta man rants while the Indian man chants
Brothers, lovers, strangers, friends
True to we-self and no one else,
Unity in colour, freedom from race,
Brothers, lovers, strangers then friends.
So when they come to us with talk of discord, though some may exist,
it isn't in all of us.
For we are brothers, lovers, strangers that became friends.
So while this Rasta man rants and the Indian man chants let the drummers, drum and the dancers dance,
dance that dance of real unity
As the Ganges meets the Nile!
A Rasta man rants and an Indian man chants.
True feelings locked in one's self and a board away from the broader way,
Rasta man rants, I feel it, I feel it in my soul.
Deep and depths, life and death,
Thinking, thinking, what to do?
Where did it end or better yet, where did it begin
Rasta man rants while the Indian man chants
Brothers, lovers, strangers, friends
True to we-self and no one else,
Unity in colour, freedom from race,
Brothers, lovers, strangers then friends.
So when they come to us with talk of discord, though some may exist,
it isn't in all of us.
For we are brothers, lovers, strangers that became friends.
So while this Rasta man rants and the Indian man chants let the drummers, drum and the dancers dance,
dance that dance of real unity
As the Ganges meets the Nile!
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
This is how it is!
"Until The End Of Time"
Listen
Woke up this morning
Heard the TV sayin' something
'Bout disaster in the world and
It made me wonder where I'm going
There's so much darkness in the world
But I see beauty left in you girl
And what you give me let's me know
That I'll be alright
'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
You've got me singing
Oh whoa, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody sing
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody singing
Oh whoa yeah
Now if you're ever wondering
About the way I'm feeling
Well baby girl there ain't no question
Just to be around you is a blessing
Sick and tired of trying to save the world
I just want to spend my time with you girl
And what you're giving me
Let's me know that we'll be alright.
'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
You've got me singing
Oh whoa, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody sing
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody singing
Oh whoa yeah
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah)
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
That would be enough
Until the end of time
Woke up this morning
Heard the TV sayin' something
'Bout disaster in the world and
It made me wonder where I'm going
There's so much darkness in the world
But I see beauty left in you girl
And what you give me let's me know
That I'll be alright
'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
You've got me singing
Oh whoa, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody sing
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody singing
Oh whoa yeah
Now if you're ever wondering
About the way I'm feeling
Well baby girl there ain't no question
Just to be around you is a blessing
Sick and tired of trying to save the world
I just want to spend my time with you girl
And what you're giving me
Let's me know that we'll be alright.
'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
You've got me singing
Oh whoa, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody sing
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody singing
Oh whoa yeah
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah)
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
That would be enough
Until the end of time
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
Sighz
So a smile and a touch,
A day made in heaven but lived out on earth.
I wait for you to exhale,
So I can inhale all of you.
Oh to breathe,
Oh to breathe you.
Waiting on your breath to save me,
Save me from the Edge of fragility.
I crave the days that bring me closer to you,
To an eternity of smiles and laughter.
To a joy never to leave but only get better,
To a life making great memories.
Rushed thoughts or time taken to think?
Knowing me, it's been building, festering under the cover of my mind,
Waiting for a moment to burst forth!
To be completed...
A day made in heaven but lived out on earth.
I wait for you to exhale,
So I can inhale all of you.
Oh to breathe,
Oh to breathe you.
Waiting on your breath to save me,
Save me from the Edge of fragility.
I crave the days that bring me closer to you,
To an eternity of smiles and laughter.
To a joy never to leave but only get better,
To a life making great memories.
Rushed thoughts or time taken to think?
Knowing me, it's been building, festering under the cover of my mind,
Waiting for a moment to burst forth!
To be completed...
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