If this heart could heal

As Enya serenades me with her beautiful voice and Celtic instruments
My mind processes thought in French and my heart beats as the wings of a butterfly
"Que ce soit, peut nous être à jamais. Mon amour" is all I can think, it's all I can dream.
Mon âme aspire à l'amour, comme un papillon qui peut être flotté hors de ma portée.Toujours comme des fous Je veux espérer et d'attendre que l'amour pour sauver ma vie ou me prendre à mon décès.
Je suis en attente pour secouer mes paroles et tendre, elle donne ce qu'elle peut, mais seulement pendant un certain temps (c'est compréhensible).
S'il vous plaît m'aimer, s'il vous plaît m'aime toujours.
Mon cœur soupire après toi, mais dis-moi ce ne sera pas.
Quoiqu'il en soit, nous pouvons être à jamais. Mon amour!
Les larmes coulent librement et la lame est aiguisée. S'il vous plaît me sauver mon amour!

Resolutions and all

This is the first day of the New Year...

Last night was hard, so hard.
I did not have my brothers with me,
I did not have my love with me,
I did not even have my friend with me.

The greetings were cold and impersonal,
Sent via BBM Broadcast message.
It did not matter much because the ones that mattered were not with me.

I reminisced on the end of 2010.
The crazy things my brothers and I did,
Firecrackers in the mail box hahaha, all the laughter.

I have resolved that 2012 will be a year of positive energy,
A year of success, a year of forming new bonds.
Of letting go of the pains of the past and accepting the pleasures of the present.

I will be cautious of what I do, where I go and the company I keep.
I will surround myself with uplifting and positive people.

There will be sorrows, I will allow myself to 'feel'
I will continue to heal and I will LIVE!!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gone

Unmoved or removed?

Time is wasting, air depleting.

The space growing, times changing and me?

Well I am not moving,

Stagnant, distant, unmoved or removed?

I pray to at least have a memory of all that was,

All that is and all that will be.

Am I unmoved or removed?
Dreaming or awake?
Seeking or being sought?
Lost or found?
Alive or dead?
Together or apart?

No, let us call it erased.

The final straw which broke the camel's back.
The use of an innocent to play guilty tricks on an innocent mind,
Keep moving, keep going, I can see the end
Clearly you're waiting on a friendship to end.

Now why would you be who you are and still want to be who you aren't?
Holding one as a safety net whilst rushing toward danger, hoping against all hope that she takes you solely.
The mention of my name makes you blush and the mention of yours makes me flinch,
There is no you, no me, no us together
Just you and me, we do not belong to each other.

Awake from dreams that make you believe that things are real, when really they are just illusions of a crazed woman. Danger lurks but its not me, I changed my name to Destiny, and here my 'friend' you will never be!

The End.

Say what's real

So today I was in deep thought about nothing, wondering to myself what makes it all worth it.

I cannot go back to the dark place that I was in for the last few months.

Am I selfish or is it self preservation?

To bare one's soul to, 

To open one's heart,

Mind, Body, Spirit.

I can't trust...
Lots of I's in this

O interruptions in my thought patterns,
I'm ready to go.
Not gonna risk it nomore.

I have little to offer and want nothing in return.

Ode to FAREWELL

This is my Ode, my Ode to Farewell.
Said goodbye so many times that it means nothing anymore.
Goodbye to friends, to loves, to lives of those both near and far but worst to family.
Fare thee well bittersweet goodbyes for I will not say them anymore.
Not to friends, to love, to life nor to family.

I will stop, I will not exist in a particular space, I will not rend myself to anytime, to anyone, to anything but I will not say goodbye.

I will move on or stay still but I will not say goodbye. Times will change, people too but yet I will not say goodbye.

No more farewell, no more goodbye only standing still, letting time change and people with it.
Letting it go but not with the utterance of fare thee well.

To be continued...

Too personal or too true

So I made a statement, which did have multiple truths to it though it may have been a bit broad.
Nonetheless, it's my view, idiotic, moronic, low, disrespectful, still my opinion.

As far back as I can recall, though it doesn't look like it much these days, Trinidad and Tobago is still democratic.
Persons are allowed freedom of speech, the right to think for themselves. If I say something that you disagree with, then you are in fact using your right to have your own view, your opinion. This then allows for discourse, your say, my say kinda thing.

To choose to take an opinion and make it personal, to take offense to a statement and bury that offense to the depths of one's soul, well, lets just say that's another kettle of fish. Maybe just maybe you took it too personally   or maybe it's just too true!

I owe no apologies for what was said for one main reason and that reason is I have a right to my opinion!

If you choose to end a friendship over it, that it your choice but always remember it was your choice.

The end and apparently goodbye!

Can I

Can I talk to you on a real
Like I don't know you
Like you're not you and I'm not me
Or maybe we are who we are
But with no history?

Can I talk to you on  real?
You not feel as if you know
and me not feel as I know we would.

Can we say goodbye to pains
That stain our mental veins,
And choke our emotional parts?

Can I start at "Hello, I'm Latoya"
And you can start at "Nice to know ya?"
Can I be your friend so true,
that at times when you are O, so blue,
you know who you can turn to?

Can this be a moment in time,
when all fades to the black of night,
and you are you
and I am me?

Where the past remains but only as a memory.
A reminder that life is so fragile,
and so are we.

Can I call out to you in the street,
As we meet and greet?
Will you look at me one day in time and remember that I am good enough,
Will you look at me one day in time and see what you have looked so hard to see?

So read this now,
Now read it again.
Burn this note and all pains will end!!

A consciousness drive

A consciousness drive!
A Rasta man rants and an Indian man chants.
True feelings locked in one's self and a board away from the broader way,
Rasta man rants, I feel it, I feel it in my soul.
Deep and depths, life and death,
Thinking, thinking, what to do?

Where did it end or better yet, where did it begin
Rasta man rants while the Indian man chants
Brothers, lovers, strangers, friends
True to we-self and no one else,
Unity in colour, freedom from race,
Brothers, lovers, strangers then friends.

So when they come to us with talk of discord, though some may exist,
it isn't in all of us.
For we are brothers, lovers, strangers that became friends.
So while this Rasta man rants and the Indian man chants let the drummers, drum and the dancers dance,
dance that dance of real unity
As the Ganges meets the Nile!

This is how it is!

"Until The End Of Time"

Listen

Woke up this morning
Heard the TV sayin' something
'Bout disaster in the world and
It made me wonder where I'm going
There's so much darkness in the world
But I see beauty left in you girl
And what you give me let's me know
That I'll be alright

'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time

You've got me singing
Oh whoa, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody sing
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody singing
Oh whoa yeah

Now if you're ever wondering
About the way I'm feeling
Well baby girl there ain't no question
Just to be around you is a blessing
Sick and tired of trying to save the world
I just want to spend my time with you girl
And what you're giving me
Let's me know that we'll be alright.

'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time

You've got me singing
Oh whoa, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody sing
Oh whoa, yeah
Everybody singing
Oh whoa yeah

This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
This one's for the lovers
If you're out there let me hear you say
Yeah, yeah
(Yeah, yeah)

Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah
Oh whoa yeah

'cause if your love was all I had
In this life
That would be enough
Until the end of time

Sighz

So a smile and a touch,
A day made in heaven but lived out on earth.
I wait for you to exhale,
So I can inhale all of you.
Oh to breathe,
Oh to breathe you.
Waiting on your breath to save me,
Save me from the Edge of fragility.

I crave the days that bring me closer to you,
To an eternity of smiles and laughter.
To a joy never to leave but only get better,
To a life making great memories.

Rushed thoughts or time taken to think?
Knowing me, it's been building, festering under the cover of my mind,
Waiting for a moment to burst forth!

To be completed...

YOU

How can you be so perfect

And yet so annoying,

So caring...

And yet so distant,

So loving

And yet so irritating

So Patient

And yet so hasty

How can I miss you when

I don't even know you,

Your voice beckons to me

Your laughter enlightens my soul

You make me feel like...well like pure gold.

How can I love you when I don't even know you?

Why do I think about you,

More than twice a day?

I'm so attached to you

So drawn

My wantonness is unexplained,

with every breath.

There's the hope to hear your voice,

To see your smile

To touch your fingers

Your lips and nose,

I miss you so much

And still I don't want you so much...

Written in 2006

Thoughts unstoppable

Words unspoken but actions taken,
Lets be wise to the sights we see and the things we hear.
Slow to react but swift to learn,
Just in time and with good cause.
Saved by the bell or was it lost,
Consciously unconscious.

Words unspoken but what's in your thoughts?
Ponder that, then answer this,
 Where did you come from and where did you go?

Heights of the highest and thoughts of the quickest,
Slow to speak but quick to learn.
Light as feather and lights so bright,
Truest visions of signs so right.

You may not know but damn! you're right!

Discord :s

I love music, it speaks to the depths of my soul.
I like to think it's because of my rich heritage, true, I am no African
I am a Trinibagonian, but at times the journey my ancestors traveled,
The experiences they share, the good, the bad, the times they fought and fighters they were, real warriors on the battlefield of life.

So I listen to music, cause for the life of me, and a few others hahaha I cannot sing or play an instrument of the Western acceptance(Rastaman bun dung Babylon heh heh heh)
Then came you the dancer to the drumming of my heart,
The smile that illuminates rooms,
Sweeping your way through all the blocks I've thrown up
Managing the obstacle course as easy as Sunday morning.
Interesting isn't it? Amazing isn't it?

Did not expect the fun and laughter but I'm open to the smiles,
Thanks from me to you, the dancer to my heart.
Songs played, dances danced and now the night is over,
Slowly the reality crept back to me, this is all a dream.

You are not here, there is no song, no music and my heart is naught but a heart,
It beats. I live. No drumming comes from within.
The sun fades to the dark of night and the winds, once a warm embrace is now a cold slap to the face.
Waking up to the reality, that all was but a dream.

A dream I say! All a dream!

Ranting, Raving, Lunatic or Is it?

Ever been weary of the 'same old shit, different day' feeling?

I have, quite frankly I am.

I've been played, played like a motherfuckin' game,

Harsh reality, but as it's said repeatedly 'that is life'ha!

Like a moth to the flame, I was drawn to your lies,

Like a child to a role model, I believed all you said, but hey, 'that's life'

Psycho, feeling all crazzy, dizzy wanna rap like Jezzy!

Mad skills on the mic and you can't phase me...

Then I'm phased lol, but guess what 'that's life'

So off with the bullshit and all the dependency, 

Didn't need you before and well, you know how it goes...don't need you now.

Walked up, chest high, Manning like, good man he is, honest he is...or is he? hmmmm

David Rudder's Chant of a Madman spoke it all and in those moments should have been the resonating song in my mind.

But like a moth to a flame, I was drawn to your lies

And like a child to his role model, I believed it all

That's life, no, thats the life of a sucker and I dont claim it.

You say it, you live by it!

I make my dreams and only I can break them!

So to you, Politician I humbly and respectfully say FUCK U cause I'm through!

P.S I write how I want, my lack of proper structure, is in itself my structure!

Thanks

Light at the end of the Tunnel

Tears stream down her face,
It's cold, damp, dark outside.
Waiting silently for the pain to ease,
the judgment to end, the condemnation to stop,
the love to begin, the gentle comfort offered and found only in the one from which she was birthed.

Pain, pain, tears, CRY!
Alone! Alone! Dark, DIE!
She pushes the thoughts and they push her back,
She pushes the thoughts and they push her back....

A fight, a flight, a boat or train,
any means of transport to take her away from this plane.
To death she went with open arms hoping for acceptance just this once,
but like a 'man' he refused her love, wanting it only when she was unwilling,
the thrill, the chase, the conquer was lost and so she sulked and screamed and coughed,
making wishes along with hisses of 'I need you not'

She begged for strength, she pleaded for peace,
a light so bright she hoped to see,
eyes closed then opened but still black was all she could see,
Pain, pain, tears, CRY!
Alone! Alone! Dark, DIE!

Peace be still and then it was,
the angel appeared, filled with love
a warm embrace that saved a life,
a life on the edge of fragility...

Broken

A deep breath in and a calming thought (x100)
Did it work for you or are you still on that edge,
looking over with amazement at how tiny they all seem
at this birds' eye view...
"jump! Jump! Jump!jump!" my thoughts rage on and that stupid little voice eggs me to do it,
FUCK! The air rushes pass as I propel toward the hard earth below
faster! faster! faster! FREEZE!!!!!

A deep breath in and a calming thought (x100)
Out-ER body experience,
A simple minded bystander in a fast paced world,
Frozen in time on the way to a death that I've died a million times,
dying it once again but this time in an Out-ER body experience
Can I ever heal, can I ever let go truly or is it really dying this death that will allow me to be free!
Shivering, shaking, heart beat accelerating, speeding past the trees as I...
Rush toward the ground!
faster! faster! faster, no freezing, no, not this time!
A blink of the eye and SPLAT!!
The death, I had died a thousand times,
Did I feel it? Did it work??

A deep breath in and a calming thought, this time just one,
I'm dead, no pain, no life, no exhaling to inhale to exhale again,
no hoping, no praying, no waiting or wondering
good bye to you, good bye to life, good bye to pains of immense proportions.

The End.

Big Bad Wolf

Yeah, Yeah, I know its cliche`! But oh so true.

He came in, no waltzed in as though he belonged a cocky air about him. Made his opening statements before the court, of which he is the Judge, Juror, Chief Executioner and of course, the Prosecutor . First question posed to the defendant 'when will you be coming home'? Poor Defendant, stressed and tired replied 'I told you already, I do not know'.

No satisfaction gained from the response of the Defendant, anger arose in his voice as he spoke lies, I mean as he spoke with a straight face and eyes filled with hatred. 'That doesn't work, you either say now or you pack up and leave forever'

So he huffed and he puffed and tried to blow her house down!
True to myself and true to my cause, I stood toe to toe with the demon, the monster, this BIG BAD WOLF...'NO'!!!!! No entry to be gained, no window to fall, no doors to be opened except the one I use to shut you out.

Yet he huffed and he puffed and tried again to blow her house down!
True to myself and to my cause, I stood toe to toe, shoulder to chest, head to neck with the demon, the monster, this BIG BAD WOLF... again the NO resounded from the deepest depths of my loins to the highest pitch a soprano can make. No entry to be gained, no window to fall, no doors to be opened except the one I use to shut you out!!!

Yet again he began to huff and on the second breath in I hit my head against his neck! The demon, the monster, this BIG BAD WOLF! Silence... So loud my thoughts could be heard...He wasn't dead, no he was merely surprised, merely bruised.

Toe to toe, shoulder to chest, head to neck and again I hit him in his stunned silence. No loud voice, no more huffing, only the gasping for breath through a collapsing oesophagus, disbelief evident in his eyes which quickly turns to anger, rage, a fire arose in his eyes but surely I thought to myself his demise is here.

He huffed and he puffed and he ran away, living to fight another day...

Remembering you in MY own way

Yesterday I cried for a soul lost in the darkest depths of hell,

Or so it's viewed by so many.

How could you walk away from life,

From US...that's us not US(A) hahaha lame attempt at a joke

Trying to mask the pain as I write...no, type.

Where are you? Where have you gone?

And pray tell, Why did you go?

So I cried and cried and yes, I cried some more,

Squeezing my eyelids shut so tight that all I see are iridescent colours.

Where are you? Where have you gone?

And pray tell, Why did you go?

You left a void that cannot be filled

But memories so vivid and in living colour.

Your soul to me, in the brightest place

As Imam said 'many long to die in the holy period'

The Salat al-Janazah could not have sounded sweeter,

Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar

Grief lifted and hope set in that the Most High had forgiven sins and accepted His child.

I am happy because you would have been happy,

I smile because i still see your smile.

I laugh because in my heart I hear your voice and feel your touch.

Your soul to me, in the brightest place.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raij'un ( We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return)

Allahu Abkar

R.I.P Bro <3

The Beginning

So my friend sent me the link to her friends' blog and my response was 'no thanks' (shame on me)
Two days later another link, this time to her blog and my response this time ' I don't do blogs'.
One day later here I am on my very account writing this blog and thinking to myself 'omg, this is crazy' (really...double shame on me ha!).

So to all that may eventually follow my blog or pass through on the recommendation of a friend, don't bash it because you are close minded, afraid or just too lazy to read.

Welcome to the mind and heart of TJ!